RICKERT FUCKING POKED ME ON FACEBOOK WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
I know him. I know him so fucking well. He was so 'unpredictable' that it became the height of predictability and he hasn't changed the slightest bit. From this one tiny action I can tell you exactly where he is and what he's doing and what he's thinking about. Just like in high school. Whenever he initiated conversation it would always be this hour of the night. Probably he's watching porn, or just finished doing so. I don't know what it is that makes him think of me. Maybe no one else is awake now. Maybe it's my own fault... it always used to be that he would get in touch with me right after I'd think of him and I did have a fleeting wonder about his circumstances the other day so perhaps he's psychic and I brought it on myself... it's a good thing I don't use my AIM anymore or I can guarantee he would have tried to IM me. Don't ask me how I know, I just know. I always knew when it was about to happen.
The why is what I never understood with him. I have no idea what goes on in that brain of his. I tried for many years to decipher that code but it was a futile effort. I would ask why now, but that isn't the question. The question is, why at all? Why can't scumbags from your past have the common fucking courtesy to STAY THERE? Because I know this, too- if I was to respond to him he would carry on like nothing ever happened between us. "Oh hey old friend, what's going on? Nope, I never kissed you on your dorm room couch at 4 in the morning then told you I just wanted to stay friends and had been leading you on and mindfucking you about this for months. Never used you to get away from the military base and hook up with college chicks, never broke your heart in the cruelest way possible when I knew how you felt about me. Never made you want to jump off the eighth floor of E-haus. Gosh it's been awhile, let's catch up!" HELL to the NO.
And you're getting all of this from a single poke on facebook? Aren't you reading too much into it? No, no I'm not. Because the other side of it is, he knows me, too. Knows exactly how I overreact to things and how shit like this will send me right into a frenzy. We have a history, and that history means something. This isn't innocent. When you tell someone DON'T TALK TO ME ANYMORE I NEVER WANT TO FUCKING SEE YOU EVER AGAIN and three years later they poke you on facebook... he didn't just fucking FORGET.
Ultimately this means nothing because I'm just going to ignore the poke and continue pretending he doesn't exist. I just needed to scream into the void about it, since I lack the courage to find out where he lives and egg his car.
Fucker.
fin
