I have dreams about Scott sometimes. Dreams where I feel the same way I used to about him. It fades when I wake up, but there's always a twinge of loss. Occasionally I still miss him. He was so... different from anyone else I've ever known. Not always in good ways, but finding anyone you're 100% compatible with is extremely rare.
I spend my whole life wondering what if, about countless things. I still ponder what might have become of us if he felt the same way about me that I did about him. If I would be somewhere more exciting, if he would have pushed me by now to become greater than what I am.
Not having him isn't what bothers me. It's not knowing that keeps me up at night.
Oh well. Back to the old grind.
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